This weekend, @scarymommy shared this meme about sitcom husbands being incompetent or lazy with housework, but their (always “perfect 10”) wives being portrayed as the problematic “nag” in their relationship.
This dynamic has existed at least since “The Honeymooners,” although notably the exception to this seems to be when there’s a housekeeper involved (like, say, Mr. Belvedere” or “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air”). There’s a definite underpinning of misogyny to this narrative of course: it’s OK for a man to be lazy around the house, but it’s not OK for their wives to complain about it.
It’s the whole premise behind the Prime TV series “Kevin Can F**k Himself.” There, we’re shown the stark contrast between the nagging wife/bumbling husband TV sitcom gloss, and the gritty, behind-the-scenes frustration she feels at having to cover up and repair all of his antics. It juxtaposes TV memes with the realities of suburban life.
The setup is an old one, however. It was formulated in a post-war era, when households were built on a single income, and gender roles were clearly defined. It would be easy, at that time, to suggest that the husband, having spent eight to twelve hours out of the house to pay for things, wasn’t in a position to also spend all evening cooking and washing dishes. And in those scenarios, writers went with the other known formula: the wife as “straight man” in a comedy duo. The net result was a comedy format that emphasized a specific household dynamic while ensuring that the Vaudevillian formula remained intact.
[As a sidebar, this was also the time when couples began sleeping in separate beds: television decency standards, not social norms, demanded it, and real couples started following suit…until the Flintstones became the first married couple on TV to be shown sharing a bed.]
But, all of this led to another trope that has been equally damaging over the years: that of the bumbling idiot husband, for whom the wife is simply a substitute mommy. Think about them:
From “The Honeymooners” to “Everybody Loves Raymond.” From “King of Queens” to “Married with Children.” From “The Simpsons” to “Family Guy.” We see this theme come up over and over again. The whole operation would fall apart if there wasn’t a mature, sensible, female presiding over the household, who also happened to do all of the housework while the husband and his dimwit buddies get up to their antics.
And yet…it’s not always like this. “Full House” and “Blossom” had households run by dads (some of whom did get up to antics anyway). “Life in Pieces” shared half a dozen different types of family dynamics, including at least two female breadwinners. “Children Ruin Everything” is probably the most relatable family-focus sitcom on the air today, and their dynamic is anything but “idiot with a job lucks out and marries hottie who happens to also be a nag.”
The point is, yes, many classic sitcoms sharpened the edge of that idea of husbands/fathers being helpless man-children who couldn’t change a diaper, wash a dish, or pay a bill if their lives depended on it (were these men living at home with doting moms until they got married?); and wives who were incorrigible nags who were also, somehow, “letting themselves go.”
Sitcoms, of course, are never meant to be “real.” They’re clown shows. Sometimes they switch up the dynamic. Sometimes the situations change. But they’re not supposed to be models for real life — even though life sometimes does try to imitate the art (that bed thing is just insane).
If we want to break away from these dynamics, the real key at home is to model for our kids what real life is supposed to be like. As a family, we’re far from perfect. But we share routines that keep the ship afloat, and we teach our kids how to take care of themselves and their things. We’re not immune to an occasional “TV-as-babysitter” solution; but we’re also not going as far as “TV-as-parent.” Our roles, and how we demonstrate them at home, are what will have the greatest impact on our kids over the long term.
And, with luck, TV will evolve out of the 1940s at some point and we won’t need to keep having these conversations.